Our Shannon

The last post; before the discounted Health Benefit schpill; ended with The outline to the end.......
By the way, the Health Benefit plan really is fabulous..... just saved a ton on new prescriptions!!!! I signed up as a IBO (Independant Business Owner, under Rodney's name) so yes, I am selling it as well... gotta make some money to pay for "Our Shannon." So send me all your friends who are un-insured, or under-insured....... or anyone who wants a way to make some extra cash. I've already recieved my 1st commission check of $71.00 for signing up 1 person. This is a great company.

First I will start by saying we've employed a wonderful human named Shannon. Her duties, caregiver/nanny/ wife... are absolutely saving my sanity, my humor, my life and have far exceeded any vision I could of hoped for. She has come to the rescue of this very needy family.

We are just over a week in and already order is calmly starting to ease us into yet another transition period.

She is fabulous!!!! Another person brought into my life for a specific reason. Thanking the Divine for this one. I truely needed someone to come in and truely have the desire to do nothing but "help". And boy oh boy has she!

Her given nickname is "Our Shannon." Smile. Jordan calls her his woman......

Some healing has begun in other areas of a friendship that was nearly severed years ago. A much needed sounding board for Rodney is being restored.

My new ergonomically designed adjustable bed arrived, I am finally sleeping without waking to my spine on fire. Much needed relief indeed is entering our lives.....

My 4 month Dr. appt. was Friday........ the short version, it was bad. Really bad. My lung capacity is down to 51%. Shannon took me and I felt so bad for her and Karen who met us there.

For two hours, the docs tried to convince me, now is the time for a feeding tube to be installed ( for lack of a better word). I didn't cry, but my voice cracked with each word I spoke trying to remain strong. I elected along time ago nothing evasive, no tubes, no vents, no trach. They want the tube now because my breathing is so weakened, my survival rate of the surgery to install is still decent. I firmly stated "no." My battle with this disease is going into year 8. I am tired. Plain and simple. Tired. And if I come home w/ tubes projecting from my body, my children will know the end is near and freak. They were here to watch the end of my mothers life...... I just want to go to sleep one night and let nature rule. Of course, it will be a planned night, so that my children will be spending the night somewhere else, enough pills taken to relax a weakened respiratory system to a point they simply stop working. Nothing gross, no gasping, no drama....... just a beautiful peaceful drug induced sleep to help aide my body to relax and let my soul ascend.

My life has been full of love, beauty, humor which resulted in two precious children that I love more than life itself. They are much too young to have to grow up w/o me, but they are also much too young to take on caregiver roles. so it is wrap up time. Get all the people in place to assist Rodney (aka Our Shannon, my friends Stacy and Jennifer and Tana, who will each play vital roles in day to day issues.) My girls Robin and Abbe will be able to share stories of a silly woman with a tainted sense of humor. Arlene will provide the calm reassuring voice, indeed my spirit still lives and that my love surrounds all who touched my life..... Each person who chose to stay in our lives, my endless thanks and gratitude will forever remain a constant.

My goal: my ultimate goal is to make it until June to see Stacy get married. My 2nd goal is to make it until March. I have to give Jocelyn a Princess ballroom limo riding 8th birthday party. I fully anticipate the 2nd goal very achievable! October 29th will be Jordan's 15th birthday and some sort of disco/ club theme party has to happen. The boy wants a dance party, and I will see to it that it happens!!!!!! Smile.

My father is losing his mind and thinks I am going to croak at any minute..... Perhaps if he had not waited a year to visit he wouldn't be so anxious now to come and try to cram all the holidays into one visit. I told him, he needed to come for Thanksgiving or Christmas and the appropriate holiday would be celebrated to the fullest during the actual holiday. If we randomly celebrate a holiday my kids will sense the unusualness of it and fear of the end will consume them. So basically I told him this, then Tana reiterated the same during her conversation with him.

This brings us to today..... I am happy, alive and grateful to have woken up! Blessings to each of you who continue to read and share my journey!
I do feel your positive energy.
B & L
T