Chaos ripped me apart

I'll start by saying.... this family, caring for me and the emotional roller coaster of life is way too much for a single, unexperienced person with a big heart to deal with.
We let Shannon go yesterday. A brief commentary of this past week......
Rodney needed to leave for a family situation on Thursday morning. So Shannon spent her first night here wednesday. She was clearly uncomfortable from the beginning. She got the kids ready for school, and put me back to bed. I let her have her boyfriend over for company. They layed around all day and watched movies and got annoyed when I needed her peppy at 2p for Jocelyn's arrival from school. It just kept getting worse from there. By Friday morning she was overwhelmed and crying. Then she left me alone for 3 1/2 hours until Jocelyn got home. Too much responsibility placed on 7 year old shoulders. My girl took care of her mother as she always does... I love that young woman!
Shannon finally arrived back at 5:30p in time to get Jordan from his school dance. Then she proceeded to invite her mother, 7 year old sister, and 19 year old sister over for mexican night.
I didn't eat for 10 hours. I finally got put to bed at 11pm. Good intentions ended up nearly pushing me to hysteria. Anxiety, stress and plain tiredness engulfed my body and released another weakening. Saturday morning arrived, I left her alone until I could no longer hold my blatter. It was 9am. She huffed and puffed. Realizing my lasor tongue was about to slash the life out of her, I asked her to please leave.
Jocelyn made breakfast. Seriously! This one makes the best scrambled eggs ever!
My emotions finally burst when neighbor Gail came to check on us. I couldn't stop crying. She started the ball rolling of a day, which included friends Stacy and Craig bringing food. Stacy gently washed every inch of me and was happy to do it. Craig hung out with the kids. They rode bikes and played all day. Karen showed up and the cleaning frenzy started. The bathrooms, bedrooms, hardwoods, rugs, dusting and the kitchen all were polished. Tana arrived and did all the laundry. With order restored in my house, calm eased its way into my veins. The wine helped too! I went to bed feeling loved but was angry at Rodneys absense. I felt abandoned.
I know in my heart he is just plain burnt out. Somehow, however, I still think he can save me. He has always saved me from myself and the many other unfortunate events of my life. I have put up such a high bar, that now as he is free falling I am finding little compassion. I must work on this. He is doing the best "He" can do.
With all that, we are hiring a professional....... Her name is Regina, she has worked as a CNA before and has agreed to help this fragile family. She is wrapping up her current job and will be with us shortly. Until then, Tana is sleeping over. Friends are coming to our aide. We are learning that this journey now requires a team. Everything is settling into place.
This morning the weakened me showed up. Tana got me out of bed and followed behind my powerchair to the bathroom. Normally, I could still stand up using the walker to get to the toilet. Not today. My legs crumbled beneath me as I again found myself on the tile floor of my bathroom. She woke up an exhausted Rodney to hoist me from the tile. Lesson learned..... no more attempts with the walker to use the bathroom. Another independance feature of life stolen from my tired body.
So I type this now, letting Rodney sleep, holding back the urge to pee my pants...... Awe life, the struggles and joys.
More soon.
B & L
T