Light flickers in and out

Today is literally the 1st day I have had the energy to write. The events of August completely drained the breath from my life. I no longer possessed the energy to live. I felt my soul sliding to the other side. Then Regina started as my caregiver. She brought hope and light that the end indeed could be postponed. She has taken better care of me than I thought was possible.

My spirits have been lifted my soul renewed.

My children have remained constant and strong. My much too young caregivers, shower me with love and affection every day. Jordan had a brief and rare, extremely saddening break down one evening. I had just been put to bed by my sister and he came bedside, layed his head on my shoulder and sobbed. He simply stated he was sad and disease was bad. My heart broke again. After a few minutes he collected himself, hugged and kissed me but the usual skip in his step was replaced with a sluggish slide. I asked Tana to wrap her arms around him. She said"oh he'll be alright." "We'll go into the living room and watch t.v." Yep, had tears running down my cheeks as usual.
Her maternal instincts have never materialized where my children are concerned. She can take care of a life sucking, money draining pathetic man all day, but blood obviously is too much to handle. She informed me Friday that she would be unable to help us out on the weekends taking care of me. She could come at the most 2 weekends a month, but that was it. Her life is crazy and she needs to take care of her self. Just maybe she really sees now that she is out of control or perhaps just stated that as a means to avoid family obligation. She clearly said she is not a caregiver and watching me go through this is just too much for her to bare. Jocelyn and I talked about this..... Her comment, "Mommy, I'm only 7 and I'm dealing with it." WOW!
That is one powerful little woman. I'm am so blessed.
So again, I have released Tana, by way of Rodney calling her, any responsibility associated with my family. Perhaps, one day when / if she gets her mind right that there will still be a path to my door.
Fall is in the air. a crisp clean breeze is flowing through my house. It's a great day to breath.
B & L
T