A short vent

I started hospice care yesterday. The only change is now the affirmation i have 6 months or less to live has been made. The writing of my will, living will and power of attorney documents has been somewhat uncomfortable. But necessary. Rodney's comfort level has been shattered. The kids remain upbeat and positive as they watch the steady and now rapid decline in their mother. Jocelyn continues to cling to me every chance she gets..... Jordan blurts out how he will miss me when i go to see my mom with the angels.
Regina is holding me together well, so i can continue to apply glue, to hopefully attach enough standards for Jocelyn to reflect on during her lifetime without me. I have made videos, written letters, created scrapbooks, only to realize it is never going to be enough. appreciated, yes. But never enough to feel the voids in my childrens lives. I have no doubt Rodney will do his best and our kids will be well cared for, its just a mommy thing i guess. i hate that i am going to miss the most important dates in their lives.
so today i write just a brief amount, as to vent only as long as i can sit and type.......
there are still better days ahead.
Celebrate and be grateful for the air we breath..
B & L
T