Not enough time...

I can't believe it is already April. Thursday the 5th is the 5 year anniversary of my mothers death. Oddly enough, the saddness that has engulfed me in years past has eased. While her loss remains a constant in my heart, I have finally accepted and appreciate what her life meant to me. The last month has been an incredibly difficult period for me. My bodies decline has consumed my thoughts. I let negativity in and it took its toll again. However, with the sun shining brighter and warmer days ahead I am getting some of my energy back.
But denying the inevitable is no longer a luxury I can afford. Time is no longer a friend. I have been writing at a crazy speed the last week to get my book finished. My hands are no longer functioning well and if this book is ever going to get to an editor and hopefully a publisher then I must finish.
I am making plans for a crematorium to handle my last wishes. The purchase of 2 small urns, one for Tana the other for Jocelyn is grossing me out. If Tana gets one, then I know Joce will get crazy if she doesn't get a part of me. After all, she has told me she just wants to wrap my body in holiday paper and keep me forever after I die. When I explained in 7 year old terms, what happens to dead bodies she decided maybe she should just keep my heart in a jar. I said no to that request too. Hopefully a tiny urn with an angel or butterfly on it will suffice.
Sunday, I fell really hard. Came straight down onto my walker. My ribcage got stuck on the seat and because of these darned short legs I couldn't get off. Rodney had to witness this horrific display and ran to my aid as I couldn't breathe and finally was able to push my self off only to hit the hardwood floor. More bruises and a sore stomach that feels like I got punched 42 times.....
House hunting is planned for tomorrow. The renters are still planning on moving here..
There are so many details that need my attention, sometimes its overwhelming. One day at a time.
Enjoy today people. Gaze to the heavens an be greatful your alive, breathing and able to move freely. Love and laugh like you mean it. Stop pretending to be happy and look inside your heart and find what will make you happy then live it.
With Passover upon us..... Rejoice in what God hath made and giveth.
Blessings & Light
T