I, in much need of sleep.... My bed has become yet another hurdle to conquer. the short girl syndrome strikes again. I stand using my walker and Jocelyn hoists one leg up so I can edge my way back scooting centimeters at a time. Rodney leaves for work usually before we head off to bed. No beverages consumed hours prior to calling it a night. I can no longer get myself out of the bed easily, so exits to the bathroom are down to extreme necessitites.
So my morning naps are being hindered greatly!!!! Yesterday I tried to sleep in my powerchair. Not a great rest. My back hurts more and I was pretty crabby all day, and finally cried when my neighbor showed up at 8pm, telling me how I inspire her. It was nice to hear, but frankly right now I don't feel inspiring anything but bitterness. I am looking for someone, a company to help. It's all going to be private pay and I'm freaking at the thought of how much this is all going to cost.
I'm looking at adjustable/ hospital beds, hoping Medicare will pay for something, then, where is it going to go.... my life is turning upside down and melting in the middle. Yes, I am feeling more than blue. Rodney is trying, but his emotional capacity is less than what I need right now! He gets to escape this house every day, going to work, running errands or whatever... I'm left, and I feel like I'm left, rarely asked to go anywhere, he's always in a hurry and I'm simply not able to be whisked. A few friends are still trying. More have left. I am getting much to tired to fight alone. My inspiration remains steady with my children. But they are far too young to have the burden of caregiver......
Sorry no uplifting messages of hope today.
T
My sanity level is actually mild to moderate. Scary. Just need sleep.
